Try to be honest with yourself about those behaviors that might not have contributed to a solution. Instead of focusing on what you feel you did wrong, identifying concrete behaviors that might have excused your loved one’s actions could help. They can also help you learn ways to empower, rather than enable, your loved one.īesides therapy, you may also find these tips useful: Acknowledge the problem They may work with you in exploring why you’ve engaged in enabling behaviors and what coping skills you can develop to stop those. For this, it might be helpful to reach out to a mental health professional. Managing enabling behavior may require that you first recognize the root cause of it. This is particularly the case if the funds you’re providing are supporting potentially harmful behaviors like substance use or gambling. However, if you find yourself constantly covering their deficit, you might be engaging in enabling behaviors. Sometimes it may mean lending a financial hand to those you love. At the same time, it may be difficult for you to stop enabling them, which in turn might increase your irritation. You might feel depleted and blame the other person for taking all your energy and time. Sometimes, when all your time and energy is focused on your loved one, you might feel like your efforts aren’t appreciated or reciprocated.įeelings of resentment might surface. This may encourage them to continue acting the same way. This can also include larger obligations, like caring for a sick relative.īy allowing the other person to constantly rely on you to get their tasks done, they may be less likely to find reasons to do them the next time. You may find yourself running the other person’s errands, doing their chores, or even completing their work. Taking on someone else’s responsibilities is another form of enabling behavior. You may also feel hesitant or fearful of your loved one’s reaction if you confront them, or you could feel they may stop loving you if you stop covering up for them. This may allow the unhealthy behavior to continue, even if you believe a conflict-free environment will help the other person. They may skip the topic or pretend they didn’t see the problematic behavior. Rather than confronting a loved one or setting boundaries, someone who engages in enabling behavior may persistently steer clear of conflict. You might put yourself under duress by doing some of these things you feel are helping your loved one. This may make you feel like your own needs have fallen to the wayside.Ī sign of enabling behavior is to put someone else’s needs before yours, particularly if the other person isn’t actively contributing to the relationship. When you engage in enabling behaviors, you may find that the bulk of your time and energy is focused on the other person. Without that experience, it may be more difficult for them to realize they might need help. You may also justify their behavior to others or yourself by acknowledging they’ve gone through a difficult time or live with specific challenges.īut if making excuses for destructive or harmful behavior becomes a habit and gives room to more toxic behavior, you might be inadvertently reinforcing said behaviors.Įnabling behavior might be preventing them from facing the consequences of their actions. When someone you care about engages in unhealthy behavior, it can be natural to make excuses for them or cover up their actions as a way to protect them. There are several ways to spot enabling behaviors. But even if all you want is to support your loved one, enabling may not contribute to the situation the way you might think it does. It doesn’t mean someone else’s harmful behaviors are on you, either. They may focus their time and energy on covering those areas where their loved one may be underperforming.įor example, enabling behavior may include providing the school with an excuse so someone can skip class, even if they did because they spent the night drinking.Įnabling behavior isn’t about intent. In this case, an enabler is a person who often takes responsibility for their loved one’s actions and emotions. In other words, enabling is directly or indirectly supporting someone else’s unhealthy tendencies.Įnabling behaviors can be common in codependent relationships. The term “enabler” refers to someone who persistently behaves in enabling ways, justifying or indirectly supporting someone else’s potentially harmful behavior.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |